A Cyclops Who Likes Anime. A Shameful Cyclops

After my previous rant there’s really not much to say about this show, I think I pretty much nailed it. What is left but remarking on the new parts of the Mythos the series extracts and burns to run its nightmarish business? Things like:

- The pronunciation of R’lyeh (even considering its questionable phonetic representation)
- [Father] Dagon being used as a transportation ship
- [Father] Dagon’s “girlfriend” [Mother] Hydra
- Innsmouth mask at R’yleh, actually this one was pretty good
- R’lyeh being a sort of gigantic Mythos carnival
- Nodens having a giant, amorphous beard
- Nodens being in charge of Cthugha for some reason
- Cthugha (who I previously suspected might be Yig) who is just… really…
- Cthughonians or whatever awful bullshit designation being specifically strong against Nyarlathotepians based on “The Dweller in Darkness” FUCK YOU THIS IS SUCH AN AWFUL STRETCH
- Little girl alien lesbian rape fetishes
- Nyaruko turns into a costumed superhero (groan)
- Scryed reference (Shell Bullet of Extinction) used on Nodens

Some of those things were pretty amusing, most were awful, I wanna scratch my brain until my memory of this show is gone. Looking forward to Cthugha being a regular character on the show (no I’m not)

There I was, minding my own business, enjoying the blissful sleep of the content. I hadn’t set my eye on anime for years, and for the first time in my life, things were finally looking up.

Then enter some midgety Road Runner motherfucker. He reeled me right back. Curse him.

Let me preface this by admitting I am a big Lovecraft fan. I find the idea of entire cities of cyclopean stature quite appealing, and he’s more-or-less responsible for the creation of my good friend Xorbb. It’s often I’ve slept under the sea of stars in Karana, dreaming dreams of terror and ruin brought to the world of man by unfathomable horrors made of twisting, insane features, working hand in hand with my family and I. It’s a fantasy which holds a special place in my heart.

Haiyore! Nyaruko-san takes my dreams and defiles them in ways which will trouble my rest for years to come. Japan, in its rapid consumption and reprocessing of Western popular culture, seems to have realized it has run dangerously low on new ideas to incorporate to throw, as fuel, into its Nightmare Engine. Seeing this, a truly great mind must have come forward and decided that, rather than extract the essence of others’ ideas and use that distilled flavor to render its shallow, routine, flavorless pulp consumable, they could instead take these ideas wholesale. The Japanese, weaned on a diet of regurgitated, boiled-down fiction, would invariably find this new, bold (and I must restate, wholly stolen) material frightening and new, but the man (or woman) had a fix for this as well: strip out everything unique or interesting, and replace them with a void as dark and black as the cold depths of foreign space which Lovecraft wrote of.

Haiyore! Nyaruko-san is about a boy being attacked by a monster. I immediately called it a Nightgaunt, for that’s what it appeared to be. And it was. The creature is quickly defeated by a young girl, who tells the boy (our protagonist, if anyone in this devil’s meal can be called such) that she is Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. He professes to be familiar with the works of Lovecraft, which is immediately odd as I would wager good money that only a handful of Japanese people even know who Lovecraft is, and the few who do most likely work on this show. Throughout the episode references are made to a variety of Lovecraftian denizens, the BLT joke (standing for byakhee, Lloigor and Tsuthoggua) standing out in particular as… well I don’t know if it was clever but it certainly was an obscure reference. The OP also includes future young girl characters, including one with yellow hair holding a piece of paper with the yellow sign on it … (pregnant pause) … yeah. Throughout, we learn a lot about Nyarlathotep, or Nyaruko, namely that she loves anime, manga and games and is a member of the Planetary Defense Organization. Basically she’s an alien girl who’s protecting a boy, and the show is a generic romantic comedy that just so happens to contain Lovecraft references, in the same way that spam is a food product that just so happens to have meat references.

Perversely, this show is so wrong, so other, that it is precisely as insanity-inducing and discomforting as Lovecraft’s fictional work, the Necronomicon. Lovecraft’s fiction was labeled “weird” fiction, in relation to the stories of his day, and in much the same way Nyaruko-san may be labeled “weird” anime; if Lovecraft is angled from more mainstream fiction, than Nyaruko-san is angled much the same from Lovecraft. Its angles are strange and unknowable, and avoid the curves of our own, terrestrial dimension, so that we may only glimpse the brief, horrifying truth. H.P. Lovecraft often had difficulty finding the words to describe the horrors populating his universe, using vagaries to keep their insanity-inducing hidden in the shrouds of our collective imaginations. The creative team behind Nyaruko-san has reached into that space, and given it dark form.

If the Cthulhu Mythos is a perversion of human reality, and Nyaruko-san is a perversion of the Cthulhu Mythos, there is no telling what half-naked moe horrors await us in the abyss, seen through the dead, black eyes of an anime schoolgirl named Nyaruko.

I don’t watch anime anymore. Too much terrible. I always knew it was awful, and watched it with that floating in front of my eyes at all times, but Haruhi really took a hammer and nailed it into my brain so deeply I can no longer remove it. Of course it’s not really all Haruhi’s fault - I wasn’t watching much aside from it and Minami-ke, and that was more a product of their previous quality than because they’re anime. Anime has just - the moe devolution has swallowed the industry whole hog, and even where light still leaps forth from the smothering dark it’s the sickly flickering lights of the will o’ wisps, luring us down with promises of coherent storylines and smarty written characters before the poisonous sludge crawls up our bodies and drags us into a pit of mewling monstrosities, collectively known as the Same Old Shit

Gonna have to turn in my card and check out, sorry. I’ll try, probably in vain, to rekindle my interest as time goes on, but I honestly think I spent too much of my time on shit, and the few times I expected something to rise (and remain) above the mediocrity line I watched it plunge into No-Man’s Land yet again. I can’t say it was a good seven years, but it entertained me enough I suppose. Farewell anime and your hydras. Farewell.

I didn’t know until about a week ago that this whole Endless Eight thing was big news to people. Apparently it is, so there’s not much for me to say about it. It’s either a truly retarded move orchestrated by some of the worst minds in the industry, or it’s a colossal troll of the fans. Trolling is good, and as a troll it really does go above and beyond - this is corporate level trolling folks - but considering the current economy, and the current state of the anime market in both Japan and globally, compounded by the sheer fact that each episode contains 100% new animation, I can’t see this being anything but an absolute disaster which will drag Kyoto Animation way into the red. Hasten believes that the same fanatics who have been propping up the market will eat this shit up, since it’s Haruhi, but I have to disagree. With two episodes on an $80 DVD, assuming they don’t switch to Blu-Ray - heh - are the pathetic chobs going to buy $320 worth of the same episode, or get more Lucky Star merchandise? I get the feeling they’ll side with Lucky Star.

Hell, I’d side with Lucky Star and I hate the show.

Bottom line, I wish I had more to report about anime, but the truth is I was only watching Haruhi, and, well, I won’t pick it up again until it’s gotten over its episode. Maybe I’ll start watching Eden of the East.

I can’t believe it.

I literally can’t believe it.

There are very few things in life I find it imperative to reject for the sake of my sanity, but I think I’ve run into just such an instance.

They did last episode. Again. The same exact thing.

Nothing happened. Nothing was solved. It was all the same thing. The same. Goddamn. Thing.

This is the third time. This is the third time I’ve watched this episode. I’m going to have to watch AT LEAST HALF IF NOT MORE OF IT AGAIN AFTER THIS and that will be the FOURTH TIME I’VE SEEN THIS FUCKING EPISODE! If I were to put as much effort into my summaries, for the past three episodes the entirety of my posts would be “And pretty much the same thing happened again” AND THAT’S IT THAT’S ALL THERE WOULD BE

So, what, thirteen new episodes, roughly four of which are the same episode from different camera angles, sometimes. Heaven, just heaven.

Here’s the rub: last episode was largely the same as the one preceding it. Which, although disappointing, fit in with the story. Same as in the novels, it all made sense, I get it. In the summary for that episode I said I wished they had rolled it together with this episode to save time.

Little did I anticipate that this episode would be exactly the same.

There are the small differences; different clothes, different….uh….well this is the 15,499th iteration, so that number changed by one. And that’s really it.

That’s it!

I’ve sat through this episode THREE TIMES NOW and I have a feeling I’m going to have to sit through the first half at least once more before we get through this fucking arc. You know, this was a really enjoyable story in the novels, but not so much in the anime. It actually sucks. And they don’t even reuse the animation, which means they’re spending their budget reanimating the same fucking scenes over and over again. The fact that this has taken up three episodes at this point is absurd.

As I’m scrolling down the list of pre-alphabetic characters, most beginning with [HugeDorkZ] and similar, I am struck with such a tidal wave of loathing for the shows in general, what they may contain and the very thought of me viewing them in particular. Simply envisioning myself sitting down to watch BLASSREITER or Chaos Head (I don’t know what these are about, mind you) overwhelms me with misery. It’s certainly a new development, and I don’t really understand why. Maybe I’ve just hit Critical Bullshit Mass.

It’s summer vacation time! Haruhi makes a list of summertime activities, and they check every item off the list. The festival, fireworks, the swimming pool, working part-time at a supermarket to get a frog suit for the club room. Here and there Kyon notices a feeling of deja vu, but that happens to everyone from time to time, and he dismisses it quickly.

Until Asahina calls him up one night, and he meets her, Koizumi and Nagato. Asahina tried to contact the future, but can’t. There is no more future. They’re stuck in an infinite time loop. The only one who keeps her memories is Nagato; apparently being part of a colossal alien entity which has evolved beyond space-time has its uses. Kyon asks her how many times they’ve relived in this two-week cycle between August 17th and August 31st.

15, 498 times. That’s the current count for how often they’ve lived that particular segment of summer. Of course Haruhi’s behind it, but she’s completely clueless. They spend the rest of the time thinking, as a group (except for Nagato, she doesn’t really care) of how to fully satisfy Haruhi and break their endless summer. They reach the end of the episode with no ideas. Kyon figures he’ll leave his summer homework to the him that breaks the loop and stays in bed.

I really liked the second half of the episode, but the first part was mostly the same exact shit (by and large) as last time. Which was a little lazy. Haruhi did have an (awesome) chinese dress swimsuit which ruled, but by and large I think they could have sped up that whole thing and made this episode and next episode one entity. It would have made the pace a little janky and ruined the impact of the BIG REVEAL but…well I guess if it has all those benefits plus it pads an episode I can understand.

I am so understanding it hurts.

Summer vacation time, right after the trip to the ~Mystery Island~ if I remember correctly. Haruhi’s made a list of summer activities to do, and they do them. All. Without incident. It’s a fun ol’ time going to the pool, catching cicadas, checking out the festival and watching fireworks. Sure it’s pretty funny when Haruhi makes sure Mikuru doesn’t ride on Kyon’s bike, but that’s about it. No friction. No stress. Let’s just all Take It Easy. Kyon makes a halfhearted attempt at his summer homework before throwing in the towel and playing a puzzle game against his sister. That night, he heads off to bed a little earlier than usual, in preparation for the next day. He’s got school tomorrow, after all.

Oh Kyon. You’re in some trouble.

It took me a while to watch this because of all the confusion. What most people have probably figured out by now, unless they’re like me and don’t have anything to do with the anime community, is that they’re re-airing Haruhi in chronological order. What that means is they’re also adding in the parts of the first two novels (and more, if they get that far I suppose) that didn’t make the jump to anime last go around. Which initially struck me as incredibly lazy, almost as lazy as the “new” FMA series. Then I thought about it for a little while, and I suppose it’s alright. I mean, Haruhi’s storyline is convoluted at the best of times, with the time traveling added on top of the first season’s broadcast order shenanigans. So this is fine, although liable to confuse just as many people. The first new episode in the now chronologically correct Haruhi was episode 8, followed by episode 11 (I think) as number two. Yes, we will hit a point where the bulk is new, but for now you’ll have to keep your ear to the ground and see what surfaces. Of course, if (when) they package the initial series and the new episodes together in one insuperable package with a premium pricetag, then I’ll be less understanding.

If you’ve read the novels (or the manga), this is the Tanabata episode, Tanabata being the fairly common holiday in anime where you write what your wishes on the slips of paper and hang them on the tree. Haruhi decides everyone in the SOS Brigade is going to celebrate it this year. Pretty simple stuff, and the first part of the episode is over pretty quickly.

That’s where the time travel starts, and cutting to the chase it turns out Kyon is the one who helped Haruhi draw that chalk message three years earlier, while she was in middle school. He gives his name as John Smith, which will become relevant later on, and accidentally persuades Haruhi to join North High, where there are plenty more interesting people according to him. It’s a fine episode, and a great introduction to the Back to the Future-esque shenanigans that begin to play a pivotal role in the series, in particular that day, three years before the present. You gotta love when strands of story are tied together in surprising ways.

The question which may be on some people’s minds is if it lives up to the last season, which is over three years old now apparently? I don’t know, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it and really, they’re just ripping the story straight from the novel. There’s not much wiggle room, which I think has served the series well so far. Those anime people can really rip a series apart at the seams if given a chance. I liked the episode, and I’m glad Haruhi’s back.