A Cyclops Who Likes Anime. A Shameful Cyclops

Wasn’t the last episode a rape-fest? Looking back yes, yes it was. But it was Nagisa-based rape. Well gentlemen, get ready to rock with Japan’s other favorite rape victim, Hikari. That’s right, the flavor of this episode is Hikari-based rape, so buckle up for a wild ride.

And it’s not just one attempted rape. Oh ho ho ho, no no no. LAST episode was one attempted rape. Strawberry Panic is nothing if not a series that constantly innovates, so this episode you can look forward to TWO, TWO, TWO attempted rapings of Hikari! I know what you’re thinking friends, and dreams do indeed come true.

So let’s start this rape-festival off. Hikari is going to go on a little date with Amane. Awwww how sweet. On the way there she receives a “You have been waylaid and must defend yourself” message. Yeah it’s that same old crazy bitch again, and she for one is all aboard the Rape Train. Thankfully, Yaya is walking around and sees Hikari’s dropped uh, whatever the hell. Some kind of cloth. So she looks around and hears the struggle and breaks this door down and says alright show’s over folks nothing going on here. I think I’m going to take this moment to say how relatively shocked I am that rape is so common on this campus that it appears to not even be against the rules. I mean this is the second time this chick has tried to rape Hikari, and god knows how many more victims before her, and yet no one ever says ANYTHING to ANYONE. And it’s clearly not apathy; these are people who really care about Hikari. I guess they know that she just won’t get in trouble for it. So whatever, I’m just saying it’s really fucking bizarre and by far the worst thing about this show is feeling like I’m in a Twilight Zone episode. I feel like I’m in a Twilight Zone episode, and not the other way around, because they present this as so fucking normal that it doesn’t feel like there’s anything out of place. It did in the beginning, when Nagisa was the only goddamn normal one, but now it’s just me. I’m the only sane one left and it’s FREAKING ME OUT MAN.

Anyway so Amane and Hikari manage to go out on their date and have a great time (I suppose). But Yaya is really really depressed about the whole thing. Then Hikari comes back, and Yaya just fuckin SNAPS and it’s attempted rape time #2. I don’t really have any good screencaps of it but I do remember some breast action. Anyway, Hikari freaks out and gets her man outta there. I can’t really blame her. One attempted rape a day might be manageable, but two is definitely pushing the boundaries of good taste.

BOTTOM LINE: Nice episode if you can get over the feeling that while watching it anything may fucking jump out at you. I swear to god, if Strawberry Panic was around a few years ago I would have to assume it had some role in the creation of the Matrix, because while watching it you can almost feel reality dissolving around you. It’s very disconcerting. I keep seeing shit move in the corner of my eye and I’m just waiting for some kind of fuckin monster to jump out at me.

Since I’m a cyclops I’d probably be ok but I still don’t like that shit.

Yuna discovers a doorway to lost treasure in her backyard. Mamoru goes down to look for her, because she has disappeared and her slipper was found in the doorway. Saving you time, she’s not in there so they do this whole thing for absolutely no reason. Anyway, the ninja bunny and bluemaru are out of commission, so he goes down there with that hot purple-haired chick to find out where Yuna is.

Instead of Yuna, they find a horded stash of gold bars and an army of underground molemen. So…that’s that.

BOTTOM LINE: UNDERGROUND MOLEMEN is really all you need to know

Aliens in this episode. Yeah so you got aliens and…a ninja bunny…and some girl vs girl tension going on there. Pretty sweet, all things considered.

BOTTOM LINE: Yeah a good episode for this series sure. Have I mentioned that Yuna looks and talks like she’s stoned virtually all the time? I’m almost certain I have, I just wanted to reiterate.

When Haruh is pissed off or angry or upset or whatever emo bullshit, an area of closed space shows up where there are no people. Then these big lightening monsters appear and start smashing shit up. The problem with that is if it becomes to big it could engulf our reality and then everywhere would be that closed space.

Haha just shitting you I don’t remember what the fuck happens if the space isn’t removed. But it’s bad, so Koizumi (NAME DROPPIN ITT) takes Kyon to show him his powers. So they go into negative space, and Koizumi uses his super powers with some of his psychic friends (Miss Cleo eheheheheHE) to beat the shit out of it. Then space is removed and everything goes back to normal.

BOTTOM LINE: Mostly an action episode. It was pretty good, but not one of the better episodes. It was primarily an episode to show off Koizumi’s powers, since Nagano’s shit has already been all explained. As such it was a little late, but since Koizumi didn’t have much chance to do anything during the series it’s aight.

Aftermath of Tower Invasion Part A. Roux is locked up in a dungeon, and is tortured to reveal the secrets he discovered while he was at Mr Telescope’s tower. Hehe take that nerdface that was a burn of epic proportions. So during this whole ordeal he’s branded with the mark of the heretic, which looks really similar to the medical symbol with the staff and the snake. What’s that called? Who knows who cares!

Firiel runs to the castle, and they take her in because hey, she’s obviously of royal lineage with that gem of hers! So they take care of her a little bit, but she’s determined to save Roux. She might do it this episode, or she might do it next episode, but she does do it. I mean she doesn’t really do much, the Prince and his elite band of special secret operative agent ninjas do it.

BOTTOM LINE: SPECIAL SECRET OPERATIVE AGENT NINJAS

This anime is so very similar to Wild Arms. Not the anime, the game, and the first one at that. Which makes me love it. The main character even looks a lot like Rudy! That’s hella cool.

The show takes place in a world that’s all desert and dry and dusty. It’s basically one big desert. But that’s ok, because mankind has a lot of super cool technology thanks to The Third, a race of like…mutated humans that look like elves. The Third all have this red eye in their forehead that lets them directly interface with technology, and thus they’ve been able to make a bunch of technological advancements in a pretty short time. Unfortunately, they pretty much rule everything now, and whenever they think mankind is getting too advanced they go in and bust dat shit up. We’re talking they have mechs and lasers and holograms and all that sci-fi shit, and humans get cars and tanks and agricultural equipment loaned to them. It’s not so hot for humans, no.

So the main character, Honoka , is basically really badass with a sword and travels around in her (quite technologically advanced) tank. The tank is connected to an AI unit named Bogie that is kind of the straight, serious man in this duo. Honoka is pretty take it easy and goes around taking random jobs as a mercenary. In this first episode she kills a shitload of giant spiders (I should hire her to take care of the infestation we got here in EK because goddamn) and finds some guy standing around in the middle of the desert one night. He’s about to be attacked by some shit called stigma ants though, because he’s just standing around like a dumbass in the middle of the desert.

So Honoka rescues him and they become buddies and his name is Ikus. Like from AAAAHHHHHH! Real Monsters. Maybe that’s where they got it from, I’m not sure.

BOTTOM LINE: Really liked it a lot. It’s got great animation and an interesting story and some badass action so why not keep watching it? Alright then I will!

Hunny episode, which would generally be a downer but it’s far too hilarious this time. Tamaki spills tea all over the bunny, and him and the twins spend halfthe episode SCARED OUT OF THEIR MINDS that Hunny is going to wake up and kick the shit out of them.

Next, Hunny gets a cavity but loves sweets so much that it’s really STRESSIN’ HIM OUT. There’s some tension between him and Mori but it all gets resolved. Plenty more lol’s in this half.

BOTTOM LINE: ACES :thumbs up:

You wanna talk about a show I have absolutely no idea about? This is it! Who the fuck knows what’s going on here? I still haven’t really figured it out.

There’s this girl named Firiel, and her dad is an astronomer that keeps himself locked up in his tower all day with his assistant, some kid named Rue. Or Roue. The Japanese can’t even decide on a spelling so hell if I’m going to. Anyway she just turned an age, and at this age all girls can go to the Royal Ball at the Palace. Real tight screening process you have there gents.

Anyway she mostly stays with this husband and wife pair who are farmers, because her dad is an irresponsible git and like I said spends ALL his time up there. So she goes to this ball, and while there she meets the Prince and Princess. She has a gem around her neck, it was the last so and so’s gem, she disappeared, clearly Firiel is her daughter but no one blah blah you know the fucking story already it’s nothing new. It’s like Mai Otome except the gem isn’t magic and also it’s worse. So she goes back after a pretty bleh evening and sees that the farm is on fire. So she runs up to the tower (or maybe the farm is set on fire afterwards who da fuck knows) and as she’s running up the tower she sees the farmer guy throwing all the books there into the fire cause you GOTTA BURN THEM THEY’RE EVIDENCE.

Then some bad people come up to get the information, and not finding it they are pretty fuckin pissed off so they set fire to everything. Roue uses some NINJA SMOKE BOMB TECHNOLOGY and tells Firiel to get the hell outta here. They capture Roue and kill the old guy.

BOTTOM LINE: It doesn’t leave you with a real solid of what it’s all about, which is never a real good thing for the first episode of a show. Maybe it’ll get better later on?

Ok, you got me. I’ve seen many many episodes of it already, and it doesn’t. It really…really…doesn’t.

So some other jerk country has decided to attack Tuskuru. But these guys are different from the other guys because they’re not really jerks. It seems that before Hakuoro lost his memory he was a pretty bad dude, and the entire country is ready to sacrifice themselves to see him dead. This is found out to be very true when, in an impossible situation, they decide to charge and all die instead of surrendering. The one that sends information of this new army is the old crazy dude from the village way back when. Man that dude is CRAZY!

He’s also dead :(. Which is a real shame because he was awesome. I don’t remember if they wiped out their village or not; that seems like a rather important plot point so I’m going to scan this episode before the next Uta update to make sure. It doesn’t seem like their MO since they’re not really evil, but this is war so who knows. Anyway, they think they’re right, and Hakuoro is sad that the guy is dead and he’s kinda scared of learning about who he was before.

BOTTOM LINE: Man I hope he used to be someone REALLY evil like REALLY REALLY evil

I’m going to do another Holic episode right now because they’re so easy!

This one definitely WAS in the manga, and it was awesome in the manga. During the summer holiday Watanuki invites Himawari to go tell ghost stories. They use Doumeki’s temple, so he has to come along, and Yuuko comes along to give the whole thing an air of authenticity. So they’re telling stories, and Watanuki is understandably a little freaked out because to him all this shit is real.

Then Doumeki informs them that there’s a dead body in the other room, and they start hearing shit and seeing shadows on the wall and shit starts trying to grab Watanuki. It’s a cool little event that happens there, and although the anime has some shit that wasn’t in the manga (like the guy with the umbrella) it’s all good.

BOTTOM LINE: Nice guy thumbs up GUTS POSE