A Cyclops Who Likes Anime. A Shameful Cyclops

That’s right this show is still going! W@W who would have thought? If you remember, the last time we left the Murder gang the Prince had just returned, and it definitely didn’t have anything to do with the appearance of that evil-looking chick and the prince certainly isn’t inside that suit of armor.

So the Prince is about to be coronated and everyone is happy. Everyone that is except for EVERYONE BLARGH because the bounty hunter princess is getting ready to leave and the real princess is sad because now she’s buds with everyone. But then GASP that evil chick (who is a mage) brings the princess down to the secret door, behind which lurks the TERRIBLE SECRET that the Doctor’s been trying to get to. The Princess touches it and it lights up like a medieval christmas tree and then some bad stuff happens DUH NUH NUH bad guys revealed to be the chick and the evil suit of armor. The Doctor shows up and is promptly stabbed to death. Then they’re thrown into the middle of a big meeting with the nobles and whatever and SURPRISE HOLY SHIT SPOILERING THIS THE PRINCE IS UNDER THE ARMOR WHOOOOAAAAAAA. In what has to be the worst reveal in anime, he declares that they’re all traitors and they have to high tail it out of there toot sweet.

BOTTOM LINE: I’m not sure what they’re going for with this show really, because the action is pretty good but scarce, particularly for a show called Murder Princess based around a bounty hunter that kicks ass for a living. The story is trite and predictable, like most shows, but that’s it…the animation and character designs aren’t particularly noteworthy either. I don’t know what the key attraction is supposed to be but whatever I guess it doesn’t matter it’s still a decent little show, even if it doesn’t fill any niches that need filling.

I want to get just this one little thing out of the way first before going into this episode. As far as School Days goes in the broader sense…if you like this series, there’s something wrong with you. There’s really just something very, very wrong with you. It might be psychological, or maybe you’re blind; maybe you think you’re watching School Days but you’re really watching a different series. I’m not sure what the problem could be, any number of things really, and each more likely than someone being sane and liking School Days simultaneously. It was nothing but mediocre with horrible character designs before, but it’s truly descended into utter shit territory. We’re talking roughly equivalent with Air. It is literally one of the worst series I’ve ever had to watch.

Also what’s the deal with depressed Japanese kids laying in bed in a dark room. I’ve seen this now about nine thousand times and I have to admit that I, personally, have never lain upon my rock bed in East Karana (even as a teen) in the dark for hours at a time. Never ever ever. Ok ok I could go on railing like this forever so let me just get down to it. It’s kind of hard to summarize an episode, because each episode seems to take hours and I can’t remember the beginning so well but I’ll DO MY BEST. Itou and Sekai are fucking each other pretty much every day now, but Itou doesn’t want to tell Katsura because, well, why bother? Sekai does but she’s a fucking slutty pushover so nothing happens. There’s also the bitchy girl in Katsura’s class who’s always mean to her, apparently she likes Itou too for some fucking reason and is prepared to confess to him. I have a feeling that if she’s willing to put out she may be in luck! Anyway after that Katsura goes up to the roof and hears Itou and Sekai say they love each other while he’s in the midst of undressing her it’s a school roof guys come on!

BOTTOM LINE: If this was like a reversal of the typical school romance show, where the main guy is a dick, the women are all sluts and everyone ends unhappily then I could deal with it, I really could. Knowing that the characters would all get their comeuppance (because every single fucking character in this series sucks) would be awesome, and I could immerse myself in the dark nature of what’s going on, or as dark as “cheating on your girlfriend” can be anyway. But no, it’s going to be a good ending, which none of these characters deserve and makes the entire thing an exercise in extreme frustration. The only way I’ve found to get through the episodes with my sanity intact is to constantly remind myself how much I fucking hate each and every one of these people, and actively wish for bad fortune to rain down upon them like acid. Which actually makes it kind of enjoyable in a really backwards way.

Do you like fishing because if you like fishing A) you probably will like this episode and B) you probably don’t like anime in which case A does not apply. I say this because there’s a lot of fishing in the first part of this episode. It’s pretty awesome as far as fishing goes though. The second act is about Hayate thinking Maria hates him because she saw him naked and it was in the manga FYI and is also a pretty good little story. A lot of parodies and comedy in this episode, which is a good thing if you’re keeping score. Comedy is GOOD. Especially when it’s comedy like this, that works.

BOTTOM LINE: I may not have laughed aloud at anything in the episode but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a very amusing and great episode of Hayate. Next episode is anime-only again afaik but it takes place in the school, and the school is a pretty cool setting so I’m hoping for the best.

Halfway through this episode I finally remembered what happened next in the manga, and I really, really wanted to see it. Because it’s awesome. But they screw you out of it and you only get a little taste of it at the very end so BUMMER.

Raki decides to hang with Priscilla and Easley a little longer, because he learns that Awakened Beings are former Claymores that were turned into Yomas against their will, so he feels bad for her. He still decides to go and try to help Clare instead of staying with them though. Good for you, Raki! Loyalty is a somewhat underutilized theme in anime these days.

Meanwhile in Pieta, Clare and the gang are getting their asses absolutely handed to them my Mufasa. Clare, Helen, and Deneve are putting up a good effort but Miria is the only one who’s really keeping him at bay and even she started to slow down. Then he was about to cut off Miria’s head and BOOM Clare intervenes what happened!??! Well I know but no spoilers ok.

Also the start of a new arc even though this has essentially been the same arc for going on what seven episodes now?

BOTTOM LINE: Great fighting and the Raki addition wasn’t as terrible as it could have been (since afaik it’s anime-only) now we just need next episode to blow our socks off our feet.

HEY TONY! Dante used to be called Tony. I don’t know, I really don’t know. Some guy thinks that he’s Tony, from his old town, and Dante eventually reveals that yes while he was called Tony he wasn’t that Tony which is an… odd story decision. Anyway this guy has heard of a Tony that is now a devil hunter, and tracks Dante down. Dante agrees to go back to his town because there’s a story about how the town was razed by devils when he was younger and a lot of people thought that Tony’s mom had started the fire. They treated her like shit until, eventually, she left town with her son. To get revenge for that Earnest (the guy) plans on summoning the devils that fucked up their town and EXACTING FURIOUS VENGEANCE with his fucking shotgun. It’s really not the best plan.

So some shit happens which actually leads to Dante facing off against the biggest and baddest devil he’s encountered yet (one really from Hell, and has heard of Dante and his devil blood). Up until the end we’re never really sure if Dante is the Tony that he’s talking about, because god damn his Tony looked a whole lot like a young Dante. I don’t think it was but I can’t be 100% sure because there are certainly some nods that it was.

BOTTOM LINE: A pretty interesting central story that I wish they would have focused more on. The action is good too, I don’t know after I finished I wasn’t that impressed but now that I think back it was a pretty good episode.

A demon lives inside a mask, which in turn looks exactly like those masks from Resident Evil 4 with the three different types of jewels. It has three eyes you see. The third one is red and seems like a jerk. So it shows up and says it’ll grant you a wish but that’s a fucking LIE it doesn’t grant you any wishes, you just keep asking until you get frustrated and go away. Then the next time you tell someone to die it says WISH GRANTED kind of like that magic machine in Big and kills the person. I really wouldn’t mind that too much.

Anyway some guy accidentally kills his best friend with it, and he’s really bummed and also gets sent to jail. Dante is hired by his sister (who is a ghost, which is obvious almost immedietely) to get him outta Devil Prison, a PRISON THAT’S LIKE HELL OH MAAAAN SO HARDCORE! So he gets himself arrested and pisses off the really gay warden so he gets sent to special lockdown. Then there’s some stuff where he finds out what happened to the guy and kills the guards because they’re devils and shit and so the story goes on and on~.

BOTTOM LINE: It’s not bad. There’s some good fighting towards the end, and it leaves on an interesting note that hints at
a final story arc for the series, but it’s not overwhelmingly awesome like last episode was.

Simon and friends blast off into space. Seeing them kick so much ass makes everyone on board the spaceship feel a lot better, which in turn raises the Spiral energy available and powers up MAXIMUM SHIELDS. Simon pretty much blows the shit out of everyone in an instant, and even punches a dude so hard he breaks open a rift in space-time to what I can only assume is another dimension (most likely the anti-spiral dimension). I’m really wondering how the Spirals lost the war with such awesome weapons at their disposal. It’s then revealed that the moon is actually a former weapon of the Spiral King, which was turned against him by the anti-spirals. So Simon does what he’s gotta do. Nia even flashes back to normal for a little while before disappearing again. She’s not a lost cause yet guys!

BOTTOM LINE:I was calling this “the end of the good” for the week leading up to it and…I was mistaken, ok? I was wrong; there you have it. I am rarely wrong but in this case I certainly was. However, that does not mean the inevitable crushing disappointment isn’t coming, that is why it’s called inevitable after all. You won’t fool me Gainax. You CAN’T fool me.

Satoko’s uncle comes back. Awwwww fuck. At first Rika attempts to use the secret police force that Irie and that nurse (her name escapes me at the moment) have at their disposal, but is told that the Police are keeping a watch on him because that slut who was going out with Rika’s dad just got whacked. They think it might be him since he has mafia connections and whatever. So they can’t move on it until after Watanagashi, which will be too late. So Rika hits rock bottom and freaks out, losing all confidence in this world (which is the best one so far, apparently).

Upon learning about Satoko, Shion goes nuts and starts talking about how she’s going to kill Satoko’s uncle, but Keiichi once again steps in and saves the day. He’s becoming quite the captain of fate here. He and Rika both have some memories of past lives, although they’re not complete memories as such but more like just visions. So Keiichi now has a super plan to help Satoko, although we don’t know what it is yet. Rika still remains hopeless but at the end she starts crying and saying how she doesn’t want to give up on this Hinamizawa so maybe next episode will be the break we’ve been looking for!

Hint: it won’t be (unless this arc is going into overtime)

BOTTOM LINE: Best episode of the arc so far. No offense to Rika but I preferred Keiichi as a main character by a fair degree. Here we get lots of group time with everyone else and things are heading in a brand new direction! INTERESTING!

There’s some stupid parallel (although it’s quite forced) between this episode and Little Mermaid but it’s not worth more than a sentence of dismissal. The real story is about Tim and Elena; Elena being a former singer and Tim being her manager (I guess). She used to dream of making it big, until it finally came true. It was only after that she realized that her fans were hooked on her voice because she unknowingly gave up her soul for a devilish voice…somehow. I know the lesson here is “be careful what you wish for” but I have to tell you if there are devils interpreting all of my personal desires as contracts then I am in a whole lot of trouble and there’s no mistake about that.

As an aside, Elena is voiced by the same chick that does Nana in NANA. Of course, I’m not sure whether this is a nod to the fans or if it’s just a coincidence because she does a fucking shitload of voices for everything. But I’d like to think it’s intentional.

BOTTOM LINE: Pretty fucking awesome. The animation was surprisingly really good and the action was better than it has been, too. I don’t know why this episode is so much better than the last few but hey I’m not complaining.

Ink’s rival, Sumi, appears. She’s a goooooooood this is banal she’s a rich girl who is clumsy. She meets up with that duck’s rival from the magical land (who is his rival for no reason) and they decide to band together and fight Ink because they don’t like her or her duck. Basically she’s a rich stuck-up bitch. It just oozes originality doesn’t it but that’s ok it’s unoriginal in an “ironic” way.

BOTTOM LINE: It was a perfectly decent episode, although I didn’t laugh (and don’t expect to from here on out). The show isn’t bad, and a lot of effort obviously goes into it. I’m just wondering how much more “ironic” anime I can take. You know, the “ironic” anime that “ironically” winks its eye at otakus and “ironically” contains mountains of cliches. This whole movement started years ago with shit like Genshiken and … well I guess Otaku no Video but that wasn’t around at the start of the movement, I want to say Genshiken was a branch of the same genre as Excel Saga and that shit, but the Excel Saga path got more and more crowded with shit like Pani Poni Dash and Lucky Star and now we’re just up to our necks in total shit.

I had a great metaphor about winking at the audience and comparing it to sleeping (with the whole eye-closing buisness) but I can’t be bothered to word it correctly. Just keep it in mind. This fad has to fucking stop because it makes me want to blow the back of my head out with an Ice Comet. It’s like the Japanese fanbase is slowly turning into GBS and that’s…that’s not good for anyone. Soon they’re “ironically” taking the internet seriously and “ironically” watching gay porn at goonmeets they are “ironically” attending and you become everything you hate so quit it already.